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The author:(作者)hpmailerpublished in(发表于) 2013/11/28 8:25:05 East China Normal University marriage class students asked
Wu Yulun-Lin Yu Taoran intern stories
Recently, the "Shanghai publication" weibo issued an East China Normal University "xueba map", "love and marriage" throws up a column. According to reports, this public course by East China Normal University student's rush into because "fewer people", many students feeling: selected lessons required "accumulated RP" (character) to be able to chose!
The courses about what content? Yesterday, the reporter interviewed the instructor Hong Yafei, an associate professor and student Xiao Zhao. Hung teacher told reporters that his course covers from the pursuit of the opposite sex to "management" throughout the process of marriage, aimed at guiding the college students to form a correct attitude toward love and marriage, learning "the art of love." After class, many students hung teacher, handed a note and asked him to answer the heart of confusion. Class, teacher hung will be answered one by one. Hearing this term "marriage and love" junior boys of Xiao Zhao said, "this course is very practical, is also important, no one ever taught me that knowledge. ”
"Love and marriage" exam in courtship, they broke up what to do?
Hong Yafei is a Department of East China Normal University social sciences teacher, middle-aged, he's tall, magnetic voice, very talkative. Referring to the opening of "love and marriage" reasons, Hung teacher said: "there was a time a few years ago, I heard that several students in succession because of emotional problems who committed suicide in Shanghai, very much, and I present science, sociology, so I want to set up a course in this regard, guiding students to properly treat all the twists and turns of love. ”
In this way, support of the school, "love and marriage" an elective appeared on the market. Today, it has become one of the most popular courses in East China Normal University. This semester, there are 84 "the lucky ones" chose this course. Hung teacher never named, but every class in the school attendance is high. One to break, everyone was scrambling to write the note in question handed him, asking him questions in class. Speaking of class ratio of women to men, Zhao said, "more girls than boys and girls was much in our school. ”
After listening to one semester course, students learn? Xiao Zhao told reporters that he learned a lot in love tips, female psychology and marriage that mysterious Palace also has a certain level of understanding. For example, on campus when you see a girl touch your heart, how to go after it? Hung teacher told them to take the initiative to create a few learning and living with the opposite sex, "intersection", for example, if you look at the girl to play on a regular basis, you can choose at this time to the game and initiative came up to be her "coach". If girls like boys, can take the initiative to come forward for boys to teach their play. In this way, we can get a few opportunities to communicate with the opposite sex, won the "admission ticket". "Big teacher said, must not communicate to girls say is not high, so the probability of failure is very high! ”
After entering the stage of love, to break up what to do with the opposite sex? This issue is also on Monday "love and marriage" exam three essay questions. Zhao said that after the essence absorbing lectures, his answer was this: girls break up can be divided into two types: the girlfriend's emotional expression after both sides fight; the second is she really think her boyfriend and they don't fit. For the former case, should be treated calmly, you should wait for her vent emotions when you are finished looking for opportunities to open communication. The latter situation, be sure to analyze his girlfriend break up the real reason because of her face that was most likely not true. After knowing each other's mental, rational analysis can change this, if I think I can, and shall make the determination and ability to express themselves in order to save it.
Talking about understanding of marriage, only love experience of Xiao Zhao hung teacher classic quotations reference: "men and women have very different ideas of marriage, prenuptial male active, when you get married you're done and women saw marriage as the beginning of a new life. "Big teacher likes boy after marriage, as before so thoughtful when his wife, meet the expectations of her new life as much as possible.
"Pain" student consults a girlfriend has worked with people living together, break up or continue to move on?
In the eyes of the students, Hung-Asia is quite the personality charm of teachers. During breaks and after class, everyone will write the note in question handed him. "Every week I receive more than 100 note. "Big teacher said with a smile.
On these issues, there are many common problems, such as a long distance relationship, this is one of the many campus love is facing the end. Many students worry about long distance relationship would love two people died. However, Hung teacher don't see me that way, he told the students: "long distance relationship are also good news, because the distance is missing, stimulate the growth of love. "He suggested students not to be worried about a long distance relationship, if you are in this State, should call every day, write their own studies as text messages to each other, you can also use" handwritten letters "contact this traditional way because letters can make you more insight, so that every now and then someone kept looking, hand-written font can make each other a warm feeling.
Since its opening this course, Hung Asian and African students who received in person for advice. On one occasion, a boy came to him, and says he is very painful. It turns out that his girlfriend told him that their relations and former high school classmates, two people living together for a year. On hearing the news, boys in a dilemma: is the break up with his girlfriend? Or continue the relationship? After you hear the boys talk, Hung teacher asked him a question: "than you find tolerance girlfriend cohabitation experience more pain? More painful still left her? "After the boys thought long replied:" I think leaving her more pain ... ... "big teacher says:" so you don't want to leave her. ”
Subsequently, the Afro hung in his analysis that girlfriend experience of cohabitation. He asked the boy: "If you divorced once, cares about his girlfriend cohabitation experience? "The guy says" no ". "That means, you suffer a psychological reason for this is that you haven't had sex with the opposite sex, you feel mentally unbalanced after hearing the news, felt at a disadvantage. Is that correct? "The guy thinks about said" Yes. " "After some analysis, the boys think, deeply in love with each other, there should not be at a disadvantage. Eventually, the boys choose to continue with his girlfriend.
Talk about this case, Afro hung also talked about his views on premarital sex, which is a chapter in his lesson plan. In class, he also advised girls: sex before marriage is the candle. Under the influence of Chinese traditional culture, women and men for the first time after having sex, they see "is his man" in the relations between the two people in "slave" status; men will think "has been her" identity rose, premarital sex would put women at a disadvantage. If the two sides did not eventually come together, this episode boyfriend once his successor was informed that would be a big psychological shadow to each other. Moreover, most women before marriage on "sex" is not very keen, they want is "affection". For something that was not very eager to pay a very high price for doing it.
"I told the girls in class, premarital sex, first sex in particular will affect your life, so the door, this is something that you can control. "Big teacher said.
How to deal with obstacles in love? Many college students in love cannot be considered as a "fall in love"
Interactions with students, Afro hung discovered, how to deal with relationship problems hamper is worth thinking of college students in the process. Ladies Zeng Xianghong teacher for help, said she and a free normal school students ' dating, but opposed by the mother, because policy free students went back to teach after graduation, the two will "long distance relationship". Mothers feel this love crazy asking daughter to break up as soon as possible.
Hung teacher said, this case is the deeper reason: the feelings of two college students had not developed to the "love" of the State. "I learned that after talking with this girl, she was dating her boyfriend not long before. If they went for a long time, loved each other, so nobody geographical barrier? Mother objected, daughter can persuade her, approaches can always get some. "Hung teacher, many college students in love, and cannot be considered as a" fall in love ", but simply" fell in love ". When two people love each other enough deep, economic problems, work problems, and other non-emotional problems will pop up and become obstacles in the courtship.
Afro hung to this girl's advice: "don't go too far, seems now to talk about getting married. Continue to associate with this free normal so if you love each other in the future, it will no longer be the issue you're facing now. ”
Maintaining what is the secret of love after marriage? The wife is always right
This week a "marriage and love" on the examination paper, there are three topics, in addition to "how to break up rationally treatment" outside, there are only two questions: "what are your core values of marriage? "" How to preserve the couple's love? ”
For both of these issues, Hung teacher talked about values--as an important element of marriage mate. In his view, parody is the primary criterion of feelings, followed by similar values and similar family backgrounds. "If a woman sees the Moon really beautiful, like pancake man sees the Moon, those two don't fit together, values much difference. "When it comes to" similar family background ", Hung teacher thinks the ancients" tying "is justified. In addition, a harmonious family environment is also important, when a person was brought up in families living in their parents often quarrel, his treatment of conjugal relation in the future may be biased, he will fight as a normal couple.
Class, Afro hung also reveals a lot of the mystery of marriage to young people. One of the most important is how to "business" good relationship, don't let more light in the marriage life of love. "I said to the boys, please remember after marriage of two principles: first, wife always right; second, if you think your wife is wrong, please refer to the first one. "Why say it? Analyze hung teacher, Family Affairs, "referee" is not a reason, but the feelings that women are "emotional creatures" couple when disagrees, must not blame my wife, this would probably be my wife's curse: "You ungrateful! "The right way to handle this is, once the two sides calm down, after about a week of time, communication and consultation with my wife again.
"Love takes skill, but is even more capacity. When a person lacks capacity to love, and love will leave him alone. "Afro hung felt that many male college students the power of love is not enough these days, this is the EQ, and they lack pointing about GLR. College opened in "love and marriage" is still very necessary.
On renren website journalists, some of the students on this course lecture notes online, as well as "big teacher classic quotations." Some netizens posted on Baidu, on "marriage and love" video in the classroom, but received no reply. Small classmate Zhao suggested related departments for shooting video for this course, onto the Internet for college students online, and "I think it will be popular, after all, our young people are wanting to learn the art of love. ”
(Original title: "the wife is always right" University "marriage course" was like the most practical)
□晚报记者 俞陶然 实习生 吴雨伦 报道
近日，“上海发布”微博发布一份华东师范大学“学霸地图”，“婚姻与爱情”课赫然在列。据介绍，这门公选课受到华东师大学生的热捧，因为“人多课少”，不少学生感慨：选课时需“积攒RP”（人品）才能选上！
该课程讲哪些内容呢？昨天，记者采访了授课老师洪亚非副教授和学生小赵。洪老师告诉记者，他的课程覆盖从追求异性到“经营”婚姻的整个过程，旨在引导大学生形成正确的爱情婚姻观，学习“恋爱的艺术”。课后，很多学生会向洪老师递纸条，请他解答心中的困惑。上课时，洪老师便一一予以回答。听了本学期“婚姻与爱情”课的大三男生小赵说：“这门课非常实用，也很重要，以前从来没有人教过我这些知识。”
“婚姻与爱情”考试 恋爱阶段，对方提出分手该怎么办？
洪亚非是华东师大社会科学部的老师，中年人，高高的个子、磁性的嗓音，十分健谈。谈及开设“婚姻与爱情”课的原因，洪老师说：“几年前有一段时间里，我听说上海接连发生几起大学生因感情问题轻生的事件，很痛心，我本科学的就是社会学，所以想开设一门这方面的课程，引导学生正确地对待爱情上的种种波折。”
就这样，在校方支持下，“婚姻与爱情”公选课问世了。如今，已成为华东师大最热门的课程之一。本学期，有84名“幸运儿”选上这门课。虽然洪老师从不点名，但每节课的学生出勤率都很高。一到课间休息，大家就争相把写有问题的纸条递给他，请他在课上解答。说起同学的男女比例，小赵说：“女生比男生多一些，我们学校女孩子本来就多嘛。”
听了一学期课后，同学们有什么收获呢？小赵告诉记者，他学到不少恋爱技巧，对女性心理和婚姻这座神秘殿堂也有了一定的了解。比如，在校园里看到一个令自己怦然心动的女孩子时，该如何去追呢？洪老师告诉他们，要主动创造与心仪异性的学习、生活“交集”，比如，如果观察到女孩会定期到球场打球，就可以也选在这个时候去球场，主动上前做她“教练”。如果是女生看中男生，可以主动上前请男生教自己打球。这样一来，便能获得与心仪异性交流的机会，赢得深入交往的“入场券”。“洪老师说，切不可交流不多就突兀地向女孩子表白，这么做的失败概率极高！”
在进入恋爱阶段后，异性提出分手该怎么办？这个问题也是本周一“婚姻与爱情”课考试三道问答题中的一道。小赵说，在吸收讲课内容的精髓后，他的回答是这样的：女生提出分手可分为两种情况：一是双方闹矛盾后女友的情绪化表达；二是她真觉得男友与自己不合适。对于前一种情况，要冷静对待，应等女友宣泄完情绪后找机会坦诚交流。而后一种情况，一定要分析出女友提出分手的真正原因，因为她当面说的原因很可能不是真实所想。在摸清对方心理后，应理性分析能否改变这个因素，如果觉得可以，就应向对方表达自己的决心和能力，以求挽回。
说起对婚姻的了解，仅有一次恋爱经历的小赵引用洪老师的经典语录：“男女对婚姻的看法有很大不同，婚前男性积极主动，结婚后就觉得大功告成，而女性则把婚姻看成新生活的开始。”洪老师希望男生步入婚姻殿堂后，要像以前恋爱时那样体贴太太，尽可能满足她对新生活的期许。
“痛苦”学生求教 女友曾与人同居，分手还是继续恋情？
在同学们眼中，洪亚非是位颇有人格魅力的老师。课间休息和课后，大家都会把写有问题的条子递给他。“每周我都会收到一百多张条子。”洪老师笑着说。
在这些问题中，有很多是共性问题，如异地恋，这是许多校园恋爱面临的一种结局。不少同学担心，异地恋会让两人的爱情无疾而终。然而，洪老师并不这么看，他告诉学生：“异地恋其实也有有利的一面，因为距离会产生思念，激发爱的生长。”他建议同学们不要为异地恋过分担忧，如果处于这种状态，应该每天打电话、将自己的心得写成短信发给对方，还可以用“手写信件”这种传统方式联系，因为信件能让自己的表述更深刻，使对方能保存着时常翻看，手写字体则会令对方产生一种亲切感。
开设这门课以来，洪亚非也接待过不少当面求教的学生。有一次，一名男生跑来找他，说自己非常痛苦。原来，他女友告诉他，自己曾和一名高中同学发生关系，两人同居了一年。听到这个消息，男生陷入两难：是和女友分手？还是继续这段恋情？听完男生的倾诉后，洪老师问了他一个问题：“两者相比，你觉得是容忍女友的同居经历更痛苦？还是离开她更痛苦？”男生想了半天后回答：“我觉得离开她更痛苦……”洪老师说：“那你就不要离开她。”
随后，洪亚非帮他分析了得知女友同居经历后的心理。他问男生：“假如你离过一次婚，会在意女友的同居经历吗？”男生说“不会”。“那就说明，你感到痛苦的一个心理原因是，你没有和异性发生过关系，听到这个消息后你感到心理不平衡，认为自己吃亏了。是这样吗？”男生想了想说：“是的。”经过一番分析，男生觉得，既然深爱着对方，就不应该有吃亏的心态。最终，这位男生选择和女友继续交往下去。
讲到这个案例，洪亚非也谈了他对婚前性行为的看法，这是他教案的一个章节。课堂上，他忠告女生：发生婚前性行为是得不偿失的。受中国传统文化的影响，女性第一次和男性发生关系后，会觉得“是他的人了”，便在两人关系中处于“从属”地位；男性则会觉得“已经得到她了”，自我定位随之上升，婚前性行为会使女性处于弱势地位。如果双方没有最终走到一起，那么这段经历一旦让继任男友得知，会给对方造成很大心理阴影。而且，大多数女性在婚前对“性”并不很渴望，她们渴望的是“情”。为了一种并不很渴望的东西而付出很大代价，得不偿失。
“在课上我告诉女生，婚前性行为，尤其是第一次性行为会影响你们一生，所以要把门关紧，这是你们能控制的事。”洪老师说。
如何对待恋爱中的阻碍？很多恋爱中的大学生不能算“相爱”
在与同学们的交流中，洪亚非发现，如何对待恋爱过程中的阻碍也是值得大学生思考的问题。有位女生曾向洪老师求助，说她和一名免费师范生谈恋爱，但遭到母亲的反对，因为政策规定，免费师范生毕业后要回家乡教书，两人必然会“异地恋”。母亲觉得这场恋爱不靠谱，要求女儿尽快分手。
洪老师分析说，这个案例的深层次原因是：这两名大学生的感情还没发展到“爱”的地步。“我与这个女生交谈后得知，她和男友交往时间并不长。假如他们交往了很长时间，彼此深爱对方，那么地域的阻隔又算得了什么？母亲如果反对，女儿也可以说服她嘛，办法总是有的。”在洪老师看来，很多恋爱中的大学生并不能算“相爱”，而只是“相恋”。当两个人彼此爱得还不够深时，经济问题、工作问题等各种非感情问题就会冒出来，成为恋爱过程中的阻碍。
洪亚非给这名女生的建议是：“不要想得太远，好像现在就要谈婚论嫁似的。继续和这名免费师范生交往下去，如果你们今后深爱对方，那你现在面临的问题将不再是问题。”
婚后维护爱情的秘诀是什么？老婆永远是对的
本周一“婚姻与爱情”考试的试卷上，有三道题目，除了“如何理性地对待分手”外，还有两道题目是：“你的核心婚姻价值观是什么？”“如何维护两人的爱情？”
对于这两个问题，洪老师谈到婚姻价值观的重要组成部分——择偶标准。在他看来，择偶的首要标准是感情，其次是相近的价值观以及相近的家庭背景。“如果女的看到月亮说真美，男的看到月亮说像烧饼，那两个人肯定不适合在一起，价值观相差太大。”谈到“相近的家庭背景”，洪老师认为古人讲究的“门当户对”是有道理的。此外，和谐的家庭环境也很重要，当一个人从小生活在父母经常吵架的家庭中，他今后对夫妻关系的处理就可能有偏差，他会把夫妻吵架当做一种常态。
课堂上，洪亚非也向年轻人揭示了很多婚姻的奥秘。其中最重要的是如何“经营”好夫妻关系，不要让爱情在婚姻生活中越来越淡。“我对男生说，请你们记住婚后的两条原则：一、老婆永远是对的；二、如果你觉得老婆错了，请参照第一条。”为何这么讲呢？洪老师分析道，家庭事务的“裁判”不是理性，而是感情，女性是“感情的动物”，夫妻意见相左时，切不可责备老婆，这样很可能遭到老婆的痛骂：“你这没良心的！”正确的处理方式是，等双方冷静下来，过了一周左右时间后，再和老婆沟通协商。
“爱需要技巧，但更是一种能力。当一个人缺乏爱的能力时，爱情便会离他而去。”洪亚非觉得，如今很多大学男生爱的能力不够，这是情商问题，也与他们缺少过来人的指点有关。在高校里开设“婚姻与爱情”课还是很有必要的。
记者在人人网等网站上看到，一些上过这门课的学生在网上发布听课笔记，以及“洪老师经典语录”。还有网友在百度上发帖，求“婚姻与爱情”课堂视频，但没有得到回复。小赵同学建议有关部门为这门课程拍摄视频，传到网上供大学生们在线听讲，“我想应该会受欢迎吧，毕竟我们年轻人都想学习爱的艺术。”
（原标题：“老婆永远是对的” 大学“婚姻课”被赞最实用）
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