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The author:(作者)hpmailerpublished in(发表于) 2013/12/1 20:53:26 Ma Zhe， University teacher teaches students how to start dating
"Let China Normal University of teaching of Marxist philosophy in the age of 57 Hong Yafei did not think the teacher is, he created called" love and marriage "elective course would be so sought after by students, course set 84 the class enrollment close to 500 people. Many students feeling: Rob need to save good "moral" right! However, course content, from the pursuit of the opposite sex to break up rationally, from walking the aisle to master the magic weapon for maintaining marriage, so does not attract talent difficult practical. Today, the teacher hung those parents are embarrassed to open up in the eyes of the boys and girls "well girlfriends," "good brothers" ... ... "
Marxist philosophy teacher
Teach you how to live love
A teacher who taught Marxism, how about dating, live? Beijing, the China Youth daily reporter contacted Hong Yafei, an associate professor of the Department of social science at NTNU. Hung teacher told reporters that starting motivation stems from the continuous presence on the campus of Shanghai because of love disputes suicide event is raised, he wished to open a course, to guide the students to form a correct attitude toward love and marriage. Let him have the courage to put themselves in order of marriage values passed to those younger than him several rounds of "new new youth", came from his sociology of knowledge.
Career and love, is the most precious thing in life, but most people love in the second place, success is important, but only one focus as constituting success in love. Ranghong teacher to understand is that in the current education system, and there is no formal organization or community to provide a platform for young people after discussion, ask questions and reflection of learning life find a way. In his on the elective courses, students can give him "Note" about his relationship problems, you can also discuss the parents ' marriage, the next class, Hung teacher made a public answer, "because some students afraid to ask, but he would like to know the answer." At school, many students invited him to talk. "He is a teacher, but it's more like a father, and not like a father, because I wouldn't be with the feelings of the parents. "A senior students who attended the course, told reporters.
"Love and marriage"
In reality, relationships
Reporters from the netizens "little King" finishing class notes to see the couple broke up. First, do not pick fault with each other in order to break up because people had no emotional, but put the blame on each other, for example, would say, "you had no car, no house", it is easy to provoke each other. Secondly, if you really need to break up, honest and speak, please don't say "I break up for you." Finally, break up, be calm, rather than accusing each other, let alone retaliation. "Little King" wrote in a breakup note after a breakup, first of all, both sides need to reflect on, they leave you, because you usually can't find happiness, love, is to grow, to be able to look on. To maintain a normal social, do not lock yourself in a room for three days and three nights, or to give up, nor belittling ourselves. Cry can find friends, love meets remember friends, love and old friends, looking for positive energy. To make appropriate emotional, but maintain their dignity, not to do the things detrimental to the reputation, such as immediately to find a mean to each other and they do not fit the opposite sex. A Netizen named "little gold" writes in his notes, "love and marriage" is returns the maximum number of classes this semester, and no one around to a lot of guys just broke up, hope we all get out of here!
Hung teacher, in "love and marriage" in this course, also for a long distance relationship, cohabitation before marriage topical issues such as providing rational reference. Such as long-distance, popular among students, National Taiwan Normal University in China, exchange student, read the books a while back home, many girls are complaining about lest feelings fade, fear each other change. Hong Yafei suggested that boys ' initiative to care for the woman is very important, should tell their everyday lives for each other, rather than avoid or fight the cold war. Hung teacher, had the boy asked him for help, knowing that many girls had cohabitation and ex-boyfriends in high school it was very painful. After analyzing the boy hung teacher asks: "what do you think of her living pain, are you out of his misery? "After enlighten, Guy admits now that loved each other, do not lose out. Hung said the teacher, in the US and Europe, method of testing whether couples fit together is not love, but cohabitation does not encourage students to live together, but I wish they'd open horizons and flat.
And student exchange process, Hung teacher facing a lot of extreme situations, a girl crush on one married man, the man promised to first wife divorced, but after the girls waiting for their abandonment, then proceeded to give up. Hung teacher helped her analysis, raised the girls can't get married, it is a blessing, because they inherently do not belong to each other. After what had happened, shouldn't run away from, and you should see the guy is honest, "married man and he does not love you, is the most frightening, because you never know what plots he is." Hung said he most wanted to the main content in the classroom, Western philosophers of love whips or obscure into the analysis, combined with his decades of personal experience, brings students to meet the rational way of dealing with feelings, even the most basic principles. "Although there are students has yet to start a relationship, most students had not walked into the aisle, but it would also be useful."
"Marriage course" final exams for three big questions
Breakup values, maintenance, marriage love
Psychology teachers never taught us about why nearly a tired old man does? Hung told a press conference, Professor of psychology in the school lecture on marriage, but because teachers are female, easy to float on "emotion" on that scale, but from a sociological perspective "love" indispensable money influence on love, sex, geographical location and other elements, which is more close to reality, and will provide more rational answers. Divide he taught students love, found that students easily put "love" when love, "love" comes from outside to attract, while love requires sustained commitment, a lot of people stage when love love, so a lot of confusion. Another popular reason, in his view, East China Normal University female students, hear the male teacher talking about love, women's learning needs are met.
"Love and marriage" are three big questions of the final exam, students can take home questionnaires, on the topic "how to break up rationally treatment", "what are your core values of marriage" and "how to preserve the couple's love." Hung said the teacher, received papers yesterday, nearly one-fourth students talked about his love of experience, a lot of people have left their email address, hoping the teacher with questions.
One girl at the end paper wrote: "hung teacher, I never take the form of written reviews I love experiences, this is the opportunity you gave me, is a kind of comb, as a growth. ”
Text/Trainee journalist Zhang Xiao
(Original title: student sought after "marriage course" Rob need "save character")
“让华师大57岁的教马克思主义哲学的老师洪亚非没有想到的是，他开设的名为“婚姻与爱情”的选修课会如此受学生追捧，课程设定84人上课，报名接近500人。不少学生感慨： 抢课需攒好“人品”嘞！然而看看授课内容，从如何追求异性到如何理性分手，从走入婚姻殿堂到掌握维护婚姻的法宝，这么实用的课不吸引人才难。如今，洪老师成了那些跟家长都不好意思打开心扉的少男少女眼中的“好闺蜜”、“好兄弟”……”
马克思主义哲学老师
教你如何恋爱过日子
一名教马克思主义哲学的老师，怎么讲起了谈恋爱、过日子？北京青年报记者联系到华师大社科部副教授洪亚非。洪老师告诉记者，开课动机源自上海校园里连续出现的因感情纠纷引发的轻生事件，他希望开一门课，来引导学生形成正确的爱情婚姻观。而让他有胆量把自己整理的婚姻价值观传递给这些比他小几轮的“新新人类”的，则源自他的社会学专业的知识储备。
爱情和事业是人生最宝贵的东西，然而多数人把爱情放在第二位，事业成功固然重要，但也只是为构成爱情成功的重点之一。让洪老师不解的是，现行教育体系中，并没有正式的组织或社区提供一个平台，供青少年经过探讨、发问、反思来习得对待人生至宝的方法。在他的选修课上，学生可以给他传“纸条”，可以提自己的感情问题，也可以讨论父母的婚姻，下次课上，洪老师会作出公开解答，“因为有的同学羞于启齿，但他很想知道答案”。在课余时间，不少同学邀他谈心。“他是老师，但更像父亲，又不像父亲，因为我都不会跟家长说感情的事。”一名上过该课的大四在读学生告诉记者。
“婚姻与爱情”课
放在现实中谈感情
记者从网友“小方金”整理的课堂笔记中看到了关于情侣面对分手的方法。首先，不要为了分手而挑对方的毛病，因为有人明明没有感情了，却把责任推给对方，例如会说“你没有车没有房”，就很容易激怒对方。其次，如果真的需要分手，就要诚实讲明，请不要说“我分手是为了你好”。最后，面对分手，要保持冷静，而不是互相指责，更不要报复。“小方金”在分手注意事项中写道，分手后，首先双方需要反省，对方离开你，通常因为在你身上找不到幸福，每失恋一次，就是成长一次，要能看开。还要保持正常社交，不要把自己锁在屋里三天三夜，或者自暴自弃，妄自菲薄。可以找好朋友大哭一场，热恋中的人会见色忘友，失恋了可以和旧友多走动，寻找正能量。可以适当发泄情绪，但保持尊严，不要去做有损声誉的事，比如立刻找一个与自己并不合适的异性故意气对方。网友“小方金”在笔记中写道，“婚姻与爱情”是本学期收益最多的课，没有之一，身边有很多人都刚分手，希望大家都快点走出来！
洪老师介绍，在“婚姻与爱情”这门课中，也为异地恋、婚前同居等现实问题提供理性参考。像异地恋这种情况，在学生中比较普遍，在华师大中，有交换生，读一段时间书就要回老家了，很多女生抱怨，怕感情变淡，怕对方变心。而洪亚非建议，男生主动关心女方很重要，应多为对方讲述自己日常生活，而不是去逃避或打冷战。洪老师介绍，曾有男生向他求助，在知道心仪的女生在高中时曾与前男友有过同居行为后感到非常痛苦。在分析该男生心理后，洪老师问：“你觉得她的同居痛苦，还是你离开他痛苦？”一番开导之后，男生承认既然深爱着对方，就不要有吃亏的心态。洪老师说，在欧美，检验情侣是否适合在一起的方法不是谈恋爱，而是同居，虽不鼓励学生去同居，但希望他们能打开视野，放平心态。
在和同学交流过程中，洪老师遇到不少极端情况，一名女生恋上一名有妇之夫，男方允诺肯定与原配离婚，但女生苦苦等待后惨遭抛弃，随后开始自暴自弃。洪老师帮她分析后，提出女生虽不能如愿成婚，实为一种福气，因为原本就不属于彼此。既然发生了，就不该逃避，还应看到男方的诚实，“不爱你的男人和自己结婚，是最可怕的，因为你永远不知道他是何图谋”。洪老师说他最想在课堂上传递的主要内容，是西方哲学家对爱情鞭僻入里的分析，加之他几十年的个人感受，带给学生面对感情理性的处理方法，甚至最基本的原则。“尽管也有同学还未开始恋爱，多数同学也未走进婚姻殿堂，但也是有益的”。
“婚姻课”期末考试三道大题
分手、婚姻价值观、维护爱情
那些心理学老师都没教会我们的事，为什么年近花甲的老人可以呢？洪老师告诉记者，学校中有心理系教授讲授婚姻课，但由于任课老师是女性，容易把内容浮在“情”这个层次上，而从社会学角度讲“爱情”就不可或缺地涉及金钱、性、地理位置等元素对爱情的影响，这更贴近现实，会提供更多理性答案。他教学生划分爱情，发现学生容易把“恋”当爱，“恋”源自外在吸引，而爱则需要持续奉献，很多人把恋的阶段当爱，所以产生大量困惑。而另一点受追捧的原因，他认为华师大女生多，听到男性老师谈论爱情，也是满足了女性求知的需求。
“婚姻与爱情”的期末考试是三道大题，学生可拿回家答卷，题目是“如何理性地对待分手”、“你的核心婚姻价值观是什么”和“如何维护两人的爱情”。洪老师说，昨天收到的卷子，有近四分之一的同学谈到了自己的恋爱经验，不少人留下了自己的电子邮件地址，希望老师进行解答。
一名女生在卷子末尾写道：“洪老师，我从来没有用书面的形式回顾我的恋爱经历，这次是你给我的机会，是一种梳理，也是一种成长。”
文/实习记者张骁
（原标题：学子追捧“婚姻课” 抢课需要“攒人品”）
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