Shielding parents? Circle of friends "generation gap" rip-circle of friends, parents-IT information
Micro letter as a public main network communication, one of the functions of its circle of friends has become people to share feelings, express feelings and exchange of ideas of the main positions. With the popularity of Internet, more and more parents are beginning to enter here, circle of friends is no longer "my classmate and friend of private farms", some worry about children. "Mask" their parents would be more left, "a line" as parents imagine. Parents complain, worry about children, who is out of the question, and how to resolve the "one bar" brings estrangement?
Circle of friends, "a line"
Daqing Petroleum Institute sophomore small Lv Ceng said of parents for the first time in his circle of friends: "she gave me a great, school and then find me, forcing me to never fall in love again, can't stand it, because I said he was disappointed in that circle of friends. Later many State I have shield her, and then later I registered another number. ”
In the eyes of Xiao Lu, circle of friends is their private places, some want to let parents know what is here expressed, and his parents "into" her loss, and "boring". "I am worried that her nagging, sometimes feel that friends are not pure, and if I had to say anything, or the status of a parent is not visible. ”
Such cases are not uncommon among young people. Graduate student is small Rui said: "we and our parents were there is a generation gap, thus creating a lot of misunderstanding. Sometimes really feel that parents do not belong to the same world, thinking logically not stint. At the circle of friends, a little sad lyrics, forget to shield my mom, my Mom sent me the chicken soup for the soul ... ... "small Rui and roommate and later did the same thing, in the circle of friends to leave parents" a line ".
When the horse in Harbin last year found they could not see themselves in when reading high school daughter's circle of friends, she was "delighted" found around the "danger" of parents. "I'm embarrassed and people Exchange, this reunion is an old classmate accidentally say I know, do not know whether the problem was what she was misunderstood and did not like her performance at school and at home, so I don't know? ”
But some parents said that with children friends just for ease of contact, and their silent attention, does not deliberately monitor the children circle of friends or comments, but "children can be very sensitive."
Such a "guess" so that some children and parents feel the pressure, under small Rui classmate's words, is "scientific and technological progress has increased the invisible barriers to each other. ”
"Horizontal line" mapping the reality gap
Some experts believe that children are subconsciously avoid the instinct to bondage, desire to be free, as they pull their parents into your circle of friends the main reason for blacklisting.
Deputy Director of Henan provincial people's Hospital, Department of Neurology Shi Xiaohong said, teenagers are in "weaning period", they have their own logic of life and ways of thinking. In the vast majority of the subconscious of children, parents will always be the Manager's role, and share content in the circle of friends, many of them will reveal their whereabouts and mood. Therefore, they argue, parents and friends after they become, would make their private life be disturbed even prying, and resist sharing with parents over time.
Huazhong Normal University College of Liberal Arts teacher Yang Chaoqing told reporters that the children the app as a shared experience, express their views, the emotional and social communication platform, parents will app's window, as is an understanding of the child, different ideas, and also led to the parents and children have different attitudes towards the same thing.
Experts say that, from a psychological perspective, how high is the degree of interpersonal, depending on the size of area of common psychological. Common areas, the greater, more closely.
Lian Rong, a Professor of educational psychology, Fujian Normal University College of education explains that young parents shield their own circle of friends, a practice associated with establishment of the self-worth and emotional safety. In the minds of young people, the role of parents is often the party strengths, give guidance, and his lack of attitude, sense of similarity. Instead, peers and familiar friends and their views on things, attitudes will be more consistent, have established common values, common emotional security needs, which exclude a number of uncertainties, so young people are more willing to open to friends of peers, are familiar with circle of friends.
Respected independent personality set up interactive platform
Expert advice, in the face of "micro-pull black parents" not blindly accusing children's filial piety, not enough understanding parents ' good intentions, ignoring young people's spiritual and cultural demands. In respect for their parents and children's interests and cultural differences based on interactive platform, improving family interactions will, spirit will be heavy.
Shi Xiaohong, said parents "invasion" of children circle of friends is from the instinct to love her children, who want to find out bits and pieces of children's life, however, mind moving is not the right way, love becomes a burden too heavy.
Education experts recommend for parents to understand the psychological needs of children, especially on youth psychology is both closed and open, on the one hand they want to be recognized by others, on the other hand want to parents to keep their space and privacy, parents should understand, but not tough, because this is one of the children's psychological needs.
21st century Education Research Institute, said Xiong bingqi, Deputy Dean, parents should learn to respect the independence and respect the privacy and the rights of children, to educate their children on how to protect their privacy, cultivating the self awareness of their rights.
"For young people, parents ' understanding of their is more important than understanding. "Shi Xiaohong said, in fact, most of the parents are making a mistake, your circle of friends is not a feasible way to understand a person's true life and to learn to understand, parents must first get rid of addiction to child friends.
Lian Rong suggested, parents can build a family micro-letter group, through group communication to strengthen the interaction with the child, understand children's ideas. Meanwhile, in addition to outside the network to understand children, parents can also enhance communication and children in real life, family activities, family fun, chat and other means, and the child comfortable. For your child if you feel disturbed, you can also try direct or micro-group or any other means of communication to solve.
屏蔽父母？ 朋友圈里的“代沟”怎么破 - 朋友圈,父母 - IT资讯
微信作为一种大众主要的网络交流方式之一，其朋友圈的功能也逐渐成为人们分享生活感悟、抒发情感和交流思想的主要阵地。而随着网络技术的普及，越来越多的父母开始进入这里，朋友圈不再是“我和同学朋友的私密场”，一些子女因此烦恼。于是“屏蔽”父母渐多，留下“一条横线”任家长想象。家长抱怨、子女烦心，到底是谁出了问题，又该如何化解这“一条横线”带来的隔阂？
朋友圈里的“一条横线”
在大庆石油学院读大二的小吕曾如此评价父母在自己朋友圈里的第一次出现：“她给我点了赞，然后上学校找到我，逼着我不再谈恋爱，简直受不了，因为那条朋友圈我说自己失恋了。后来很多状态我都屏蔽了她，再后来我又注册了另一个号码。”
在小吕看来，朋友圈是自己的私密场所，有些不想让父母知道的事情就会在这里表达，而父母的“进入”让她不知所措，且“有些厌烦”。“我担心她唠叨，有时候觉得朋友圈不纯粹了，我不得不说一些违心的话，或者发一条父母不可见的状态。”
这样的案例在年轻人中并不少见。正在读研的小蕊说：“我们和父母是有代沟的，因此产生了很多误会。有时真的感觉和父母不属于同一个世界，思维逻辑的差异不是一星半点。有次在朋友圈发了有些小伤感的歌词，忘了屏蔽我妈，结果我妈给我发了一大段心灵鸡汤……”小蕊和室友后来做了同一件事，在朋友圈给父母留下“一条横线”。
当哈尔滨的马女士去年发现无法看到自己在读高三的女儿的朋友圈时，她“欣喜地”发现了身边“共患难”的家长。“我都不好意思和人家交流，这还是同学聚会时一位老同学不小心说出来我才知道的，不知道是我的问题还是她在误会什么，是不是她在学校的表现和家里不一样，怕我知道？”
但是一些家长表示，加子女好友只是为了便于联系，而自己只是默默关注，并未对孩子的朋友圈刻意监管或者提出意见，但“孩子有时很敏感”。
这样的“猜测”让一些子女和家长都颇感压力，按照小蕊同学的话来说，就是“科技进步竟然增加了彼此无形的隔阂。”
“横线”映射现实鸿沟
一些专家认为，子女潜意识里避开束缚、渴望自由的本能，成为他们把父母拉入到朋友圈黑名单的主要原因。
河南省人民医院神经内科副主任医师史晓红分析说，青少年正处于心理“断乳期”，他们此时有自己的生活逻辑和思维方式。在绝大多数子女的潜意识里，父母永远都是管理者的角色，在朋友圈里分享的内容，很多都会暴露自己的行踪和心情。因此，他们认为，父母在与他们成为微信好友之后，会让他们的私生活受到打扰甚至产生被窥探的反感，久而久之就会抗拒与父母间的分享。
而华中师范大学文学院教师杨朝清则告诉记者，子女将微信看成一个分享经历、表达意见、发泄情绪和社会交往的平台，父母将微信看成是一个了解子女生活状态的窗口，不同的思想观念，也导致了父母和子女对待同一件事情的不同态度。
专家表示，从心理学角度来说，人际交往的密切程度有多高，取决于共同心理领域的大小。共同心理领域越大，交往越密切。
因此福建师范大学教育学院教育心理学教授连榕解释道，年轻人选择对父母屏蔽自己的朋友圈，这种做法与自我价值的确立和情感安全有关。在年轻人心中，父母的角色往往是强势、给予指导的一方，和自己缺乏态度、观念方面的相似性。相反，同龄人、熟悉的朋友和自己对一些事情的看法、态度会比较一致，有共同的价值确立、共同的情感安全需要，这就排除了一些不确定性，因此年轻人更愿意对同龄人、熟悉的朋友开放朋友圈。
尊重独立人格搭建互动平台
专家建议，面对“微信拉黑父母”，不能一味指责子女不够孝顺、不理解父母的良苦用心，却忽视年轻人的精神文化诉求。在尊重父母和子女各自的利益诉求和文化差异的基础上搭建互动平台，提升亲情互动意愿，精神家园才会更加厚重。
史晓红表示，家长们“入侵”孩子朋友圈都是发自爱孩子的本能，他们想要了解孩子生活的点点滴滴，不过，初衷感人并不代表方法正确，太沉重的爱就会变成负担。
教育专家建议，对于家长来讲要理解孩子的心理需要，尤其是青少年的心理既具有闭锁性又具有开放性，一方面他们希望得到他人的认可，另一方面又希望对父母保留自己的空间和隐私，父母应当给予理解，而不宜采取强硬态度，因为这是孩子成长中的一种心理需要。
21世纪教育研究院副院长熊丙奇表示，父母应学会尊重子女的独立人格，并通过尊重子女的隐私和权利，教育子女如何保护好自己的隐私、培养自我权利意识。
“对于现在的年轻人来讲，家长对他们的理解远比了解要重要。”史晓红说，其实，大多数的父母都犯了一个错误，朋友圈并不是了解一个人真实生活状态的可行途径，而要想从了解到理解，有些父母首先就要摆脱对孩子朋友圈的依赖症。
连榕建议，父母可以通过建立家庭的微信群，通过微信群交流来加强与孩子的互动，了解孩子的想法。同时，除了在网络中了解孩子外，父母还可以在现实生活中加强和孩子的沟通，通过家庭活动、亲子游、聊天等方式，和孩子愉快相处。而作为子女如果感觉受到打扰，也可以尝试采取直接沟通或者微信分组等方式来解决。